return to me, oh wanderer

I have drifted. I have strayed. I have wandered. I have become distant.

“Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love“.

The people of Israel once became too comfortable with their sins and I too have. The black shroud of sin that covers my face like a veil has turned me away from my Groom. I set myself apart with shame.

My guilt and shame wears me down. But do I turn back? Do I repent?  No. Shame is not the same as repentance, nor is humiliation the same as humility. It is not enough to simply acknowledge my sin wallowing in my shame.

It’s been a few years since I’ve blogged, but I feel the need to purge.

Where to begin? Well, 2016 was a pretty lonely year. I began to feel myself sliding away from God’s truths. In 2017, I completely abandoned him. I walked so far away that I completely forgot how to get back home. Now, here we are in 2018. He’s been pulling at my shirt tail for a while whispering “Nina…its time to come home…I know the road has been dark, but I’ve left the light on for you. I know it has been a while, but I never stopped calling for you to come back. Be ye scared, I’m right beside you my child. Be ye tired, I’ll carry you. Be ye lost, I will guide you”.

I wish my testimony was flawless. I wish that I never would have strayed. I wish that I felt worthy enough to enter into His presence.

The tax collectors and sinners were approaching to listen to him. ² And the Pharisees and scribes were complaining, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.” ³ So he told them this parable: ⁴ “What man among you, who has a hundred sheep and loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open field^[a] and go after the lost one until he finds it? ⁵ When he has found it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders, ⁶ and coming home, he calls his friends and neighbors together, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, because I have found my lost sheep!’ ⁷ I tell you, in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who don’t need repentance. (Luke 15:1-7)

I need to be carried home. I’ve been lost, and need to be found. Oh, the marvel of it all that He rejoices in my rescue and my return! My sins have carried me far from home, but the door was never closed. Each time I sin I cry “Crucify Him! Crucify Him”; yet each time, He still bears my cross.

The song of my soul goes a little something like this:

1. Nina does well, she is content, she is happy.
2. Nina’s life starts to get chaotic, she tried to make up for these loses on her own accord.
3. She fights and fights, using all of her resources, all of her energies and either a) does nothing to help her situation, or b) makes her situation worse.
4. Nina finally surrenders and chooses her Father as a last resort. He redeems and restores. Be builds beauty from the ashes, He makes the sun rise once again on what once seemed like a never ending night. He is not bitter, He is not angry with her, He still chooses her every single time.
5. Nina says “Oh my stars! Who would’ve guessed it! His plans are higher than mine! His ways are better”! She promises to never place her own volition over her faith ever again.
6. The cycle repeats.

Friends, I don’t know what I’m doing in my life. I’m not sure how I got here, but I’m tired, I’m worn, my legs are weak from running, and my soul is heavy and burdened.

“Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest. Take up my yoke and learn from me, because I am lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light”.  (Matthew 11:28-30 CSB)

I seek refuge, I seek relief. Father, hear my cry, and carry me home. Thank you for your constant grace. I don’t deserve you, but you still want me. You’ve never given up on me, and you never will. Help me to see that. Help me to fix my eyes upon you.

“Here’s my heart, oh take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above”.

To the girl that wants to be in love

I’ve never been in love. I don’t know what love even feels like. I want it though.

I’m so in love with the idea of love, but love just doesn’t seem to love me back.

“Be patient.” they say.

“It’ll happen when it’s meant to happen.” they say.

The funny thing is the people telling me these things are all the people who have never been alone a day in their lives.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for the people in beautiful and committed relationships, but I also want what they have.

I have kissed no one goodnight. I’ve been the girl that doesn’t get asked to homecoming or prom. I’d mask it all with a smile and march into the dance as the strong, independent girl who only needed her friends but the facade can only lasted so long. It felt like salt pouring into the wounds of all my insecurities. “What if no one ever wants to be with me? What if I’ll never be loved?”

Here’s the catch.

You are lovable. You are beautiful. You are kind. You are smart. You are every good thing. “You are altogether beautiful my darling; there is no flaw in you” (Song of Solomon 4:7).

How can we sit and bring ourselves down and think that there is something wrong with us when we were made in the very image of God? There is something divine about you.

He knows the desires of our hearts. Have peace in that. He will not leave us high and dry. But we must walk in His light. Use this time to pursue the Lord more closely. Use this time to strengthen your relationship with Him and He will reveal Himself to you in ways like never before.

I challenge you to sit in His presence daily, even if it’s just for five minutes.  Pray when you open your eyes in the morning and before you close them at night. Belt out those Jesus jams in the shower. Study His word. Just don’t lose heart.

 

Be Deeply Rooted…

Happy fall y’all (ahahaha I’ve been slipping into a southern accent randomly on and off lately). It’s almost November which means we’re over halfway through the semester which means it’s almost time for a much-needed break but before that happens there will be some serious hell to go through.

I don’t use the expression “hell to go through” flippantly because honestly, in the words of my campus pastor David Nasser, as a believer, the trials we face on this earth are the closest we will ever get to hell.

Lately, the enemy has been planting his weeds into me. Roots are the things that I believe. Weeds are the lies that Satan wants you to believe. Branches are the truth that you believe yourself, the truth comes from the Vine. 

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). Based on this verse, all good things come from God! The only thing you’re getting from the enemy is rotten, poisoned and spoiled fruit. If you don’t have good ROOTS, then Satan is going to plant those cursed WEEDS into your life.

Satan whispers to me “Nina…why are you even trying? You’re never gonna make it. You’ll never be smart enough to get through college, just quit now…Nina…you’re never going to find anyone who wants to be with you, you just aren’t pretty enough or funny enough…Nina…you’re way to sinful and dirty to ever make a difference, just stop trying, give up now… no one really even cares about you anyways”.

God assures me “Nina…don’t give up now my precious daughter. Trust me, you can do it. I have brought you this far and I won’t stop now. Nina…you are all together beautiful my darling, there is no flaw in you. I have just the right man set aside for you, please just be patient…Nina…I sent my son to die on a cross for you and He covered all of your sin and shame. When my Son cried out ‘it is finished!’ He meant it. I love you my daughter, nothing will change that”.

For so many years of my life I searched to fill a void in my soul that could not be filled no matter how hard I tried. Growing up in a Christian family and around the church, I wish my testimony was flawless. I have found ways to fail. I have made little compromises that lead to bigger ones. I opened the door to doubt what I have been taught and test what I have been told. Satan likes to remind me of all the things I’ve done, he’s a sly little fox, and sometimes it feels like I can’t beat him at his game.

The apostle Paul said “This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all”. The worst of them. Period. Paul does not follow this with a statement to justify or qualify himself for a Savior, and neither can I. But yet, despite all the filth and grime, Jesus is still friend to sinners like me. No matter how true Pauls words are, Jesus is still and always be a friend to sinners such as I. 

Oh what grace I’ve found in you my Jesus. No matter how many lies Satan likes to tell the Lord is standing in your court shouting the truth, you only need to allow yourself to hear him. Pull up the weeds and let the roots grow deep.

It’s cheesy but victory is found in Jesus..

and so she finally posts at the end of summer…

hey fam. its been a while. my fault. i have had THE MOST hectic summer! heres the lowdown on life: i’ve been working at a box factory (lolz) usually 40-50 hours a week making bank. i’ve also been studying nonstop for a few entrance exams into my education program. all summer i’ve probs gotten around oh 10 hours of sleep total. well maybe more.

i head back to liberty in 20 days and i am SO excited! liberty university is without a doubt my most favorite place on earth and im ready to be enveloped back into the muggy weather, monsoon rain and Cookout dates with friends.

liberty university trains champions for Christ. that’s their mission, it’s their mantra. being away from the “liberty bubble” all summer, i haven’t really felt like much of a champion. honestly, i’ve felt like the opposite of a champion. im a runner who is miserably losing the race and walking the last lap struggling to get through. my relationship with God has suffered and i feel ashamed. in the midst of my summer business, somewhere along the line i created the excuse that i didn’t have time for my savior. i decided that he would just have to wait and we’d catch back up when things slowed down.

in my shame God tells me that i am His child and that i am valued by him. i am a treasure to God and He loves me like no one else can. friends, our Lord is ever so for us and never against us. he has written out names on the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:16a), He keeps track of our sorrows and collects out tears in a bottle, He has recorded each one (Psalm 56:8), He even knows the number of hairs on our very heads (Mathew 10:30-3). our Lord owns all the stars and galaxies in the sky yet all He desires is our heart.

2 Timothy 2:13 tells us that “if we are faithless, He remains faithful”. no matter how many silly excuses i make to not spend time daily with the Savior, no matter how many sins i sin, He remains faithful. we are the prodigal children..no matter how far we wander, He is always ready and waiting faithfully for our return to Him.

“I am God

You are mine.

Abide in me”

lovely friends, be the one who was once dead but to whom Jesus gives new life in Him. i love you all.

God come quickly….

On the evening of June 17th, 2015 a 21-year-old shooter by the name of Dylann Roof killed nine people at Emmanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church in Charleston, South Carolina. EAME church is one of the nation’s oldest historically black churches. Civil Rights leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr. found themselves at the church rallying for equal rights through peaceful protests. What happened on June 17th was anything but peaceful.

Within seconds of learning of the shooting anger and frustration swole up inside of me. The irony of it all…I questioned what God was doing and how he could allow for such a dastardly deed to occur. After all, these people were in His house, these people were in the church worshiping Him, they should have felt safe in this church a place where His presence can be felt.

“I grew up in church. Raised on the Gospel and trained in the Word. Thought it was all I needed. But life hit me hard, more than I planned. It knocked me down like an avalanche” (Where the Light is, Dan Bremnes). How true these few lines are to me. I have been in the church my whole life as long as I can remember. I had memorized all the verses and learned all of the stories. Yet, when this shooting happened, I had absolutely nothing come to mind that could somehow rationalize the events that transpired. No Bible verse came to mind, nothing gave me comfort, I had no reason to believe that anything good could happen from this.

After centuries of racially motivated crime and hatred, I questioned how God could continue to allow it. The real life experience fueled my anger even more. You do not know what it’s like to be black in America unless you are actually black in America. (This does not mean you can not sympathize, but it is harder for one to empathize).I have dealt with, being racially profiled and followed by suspicious staff members in stores even being told I’m not welcome in the town which I live in.  I’m not usually one to speak out against crimes like this, but I can not stay quiet for any longer. One is not born hating a specific race. You are taught racism.  You are not born with prejudices. You are taught to have prejudices. You are not born with a heart full of hatred. You are taught to hate. The root of the racial war in America is not guns. No matter how many laws legislatures pass to restrict who does and does not have the right to own a gun, killing will still continue. The hate does not die with the lives that are taken. The hate in someone’s heart toward any race is like a bloodthirsty mosquito constantly searching for someone or something to suck the life from. Please, I urge you to not teach your children to hate. Teach them to love. There is nothing greater than love. This country has taken so many steps backwards because of events fueled by hate, if we loved, so much forward progress could be made.

Tonight (June 19th) just two days after one of the nine victims of the EAME church shooting occurred one of the victims family members spoke out to the shooter in a courtroom. The daughter of Ehtel Lance (aged 70) told Roof “I will never be able to hold her again, but I forgive you”. She forgives him? He murdered your mother, and you can forgive him just two days after. This act is so powerful. I’d like to say I could do the same if I were in that situation, but I know I wouldn’t. I am learning that sometimes having faith means trusting in God, even when it may not make sense.

A heart that can offer undeserved forgiveness holds the key to beautiful truth.

To my unborn son or daughter: Your skin color is not a death sentence. Your shade is no indication of your history. Your blackness – however dark it may be – is tied to the soil beneath your toes. It is your bond. It’s something to be proud of. I PROMISE your blackness is a gift, not a curse. You are not the problem. Know your history. Be proud. Be the best you that you can be.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

So as you know, I’m obsessed with The Office. If there are any other fellow fans among ye, speak now or forever hold your peace (actually speak whenever you want, I don’t care). If I could sum up my day, I’d call it a “Toby Flenderson” Day. In other words, it was the most disgusting, despicable, annoying awful day. All day I have found myself questioning who my friends are and constantly feeling judged. It’s been one of those days where I just want to sit on the floor of the shower and cry (buttt I share community showers so no thnx). I question why God is sending me through so much in a single day like c’mon God leave me alone, pick on someone else today!

Friends, sometimes it’s important just to take a step back and breathe. Breathe in. Breathe out. Evaluate the situation and then see if it’s worth your attention or worth your tears. One of my favorite verses, John 16:33 says “I have said these things to you, that in Me, you may have peace. In the world you will have troubles, but take heart; I have overcome the world”. Take heart…..I have overcome the world. His promise remains, His love is steadfast, and His love is everlasting.

Lately, I have been learning to fix my eyes on things above and not the things of the earth. This means when I have my “Toby Flenderson” days, I fix my eyes on the Master. He’ll never let you down, He doesn’t speak ill of you behind your back and He doesn’t run when things get tough. No matter where you are or where you have been, your Heavenly Father never once today felt nothing but an eternal love for you. I hope that kinda puts things into perspective for you. Do you a) cry your night away because you’re friends are being a lil bit mean and aren’t really acting like friends? OR do you b) let the God of grace and deliverance bring to you the most unmerited kindness and carry your grief and sorrow?

Friends, Jesus heals, and Jesus redeems. Allowing Him to satisfy your soul on the rough days is as simple as taking a step back, inhaling and exhaling and fixing your eyes upon Him.

This is a blog you probably want to read

My sweet, sweet friends…I know how tough it is to be a girl (I’m not playing gender roles, I just have nooooooo stinkin clue what it’s like to be a boy). How tough it is to be young. How tough it is to be insecure. How tough it is to be vulnerable with others and let others see the parts of you that aren’t pretty… How every single morning, you go into the bathroom and your first thoughts are, “Woah. Looking rough.” or “I love how thin I look in the mornings! Why can’t i look this thin all day!?” I know what it’s like to not want the body you were given… Sometimes not even to the extent of wanting to be someone else, but wanting to be as skinny as someone else, or as pretty as someone else, or as fit as someone else, or to be the girl that all the boys want, or just to feel like you’re enough. I know what it’s like to think that all hope is lost, and that no one cares, no one will listen, and the only way out is to hurt yourself. I know how all of those things feel.

I will never be the girl to say, “I know exactly what you mean”, and not mean it. I have walked in it, I have wanted to die, and I have starved myself, ate as little as possible at family events and thrown it all up for the sake of being skinny.  God redeems, restores, and sets free. This is my anthem. That Christ died so that I might live. That He hand-knitted me together in my mothers womb. Every curve, every birthmark, and every strand of hair was hand placed by the Father. Every hurt, pain, struggle, and sorrow has gone through the Father’s hands – He had written out all of my days before I breathed a single breath. I won’t go into serious detail about all of the things I have been through, because it isn’t about any of that. What this blog is about is Christ. You guys. Jesus Christ breathed life into my once dead, dry, hopeless, lifeless bones. He made me dance. He sings over me, and I REJOICE. in Him, I have found everything I could ever need. Joy. Peace. Freedom. And I just want all of you to know – He can do ANYTHING. He can restore ANY life. He makes ALL things new! I can’t tell you the amount of times I felt so hopeless, distraught, and lost. But I can tell you this- Jesus makes my every single day worth living. There are absolutely still days that I struggle.. but my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus Christ. His death. His resurrection. His promises. I know He is for me, and I know that nothing can stand against me. No hurt. No fear. No pain. No envy. No lack of self confidence. All of these things cannot stand in the presence of Jesus.

Friends, I love you all so very much. I have a heart for people that is just overflowing wanting to give away love. I don’t know whether or not this is a good thing because my heart has been wounded more times I care to count  by people who take advantage of that, but I can’t help it. You are so precious and I will do all I can to communicate that to y’all.

So. When you think about wanting to be anything other than what God made you to be, look in the mirror and say, “I am a child of God. He lives and dwells in me. My confidence comes from Him.” and wink at yourself. Finger guns. Walk away. Keep doing it until you believe it. I’m serious. Because you’re beautiful. He calls you beautiful. You are His. Believe it.

Chicken Soup for the Guarded Cookout Loving Soul

My mom always told me to do what I think is right and to always guard my heart. She also tells me I’m more beautiful than Tyra Banks and that I have legs like Angelina Jolie…. awkward. Because I don’t. Awkward. Because she’s reading this. Awkward. Because you’re reading this. ITS COOL GUYS we are all in this together. Tyra Banks or no Tyra banks. Fierce, fine, and fabulous. (flips hair.) Anyway. For those of you who don’t know, my mama is my rock. She is second to Jesus… OBVI. But, in all seriousness. The woman knows what’s up. It’s like she has this huge brain and I feel like there are millions of tiny filing cabinets with folders in them that are separated with titles such as “what to say when Nina is crying over a boy”, “what to say when Nina crying because she wants to give the homeless man a house and can’t afford it”, “what to say when Nina is being a girl and crying because she honestly just needs some girl scout cookies”, “what to say when Nina is making dumb choices because she forgot to wake up and tell herself she’s the daughter of the Most High” etc. You get the point. Mama always knows what to say, and mama always knows best. I’ve honestly never ever had a situation when I’ve gone to my mom for advice and taken the advice and come back to my mom and said “UGH REALLY MOM WHY DID I LISTEN TO YOU YOU CLEEEEEARLY NEED TO RE EVALUATE WHATS UP LIKE WHAT THE BARNACLES MOTHER”…. awkward. But, you get the point. Moms just know. They have this crazy mom instinct (PTL for that, am I right?) (ptl means praise the lord and I use it often. Write it down and memorize it. It’s crucial.) Okay sorry for this rant about how amazing my mom is, but she truly is a gem. I’m sure your mom is too. But not as gem-y as my mom. Let’s be real. Lol………………………………………. ….. .. .

Moving forward – one of the things my mom instilled in me growing up was to always guard my heart. To protect and value it. To never give it away too soon. To always listen to what it was saying. I now realize just how grateful I am for that. What does it actually mean to guard your heart? Well, Proverbs 4:23 tells us “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Woah woah woah. REWIND. First off: This verse. GLORRRIOUS. (yeah I just sang that in a high pitch tone, judge me whatev). Second off: ABOVE. ALL. ELSE. Over ANYTHING else. Before you do ANYTHING. Guard. Your. Heart. Yikes. I dunno if weather or not I’m guarding my heart is always my first priority. But, if it is yours. Kudos. Let me know where to deliver a batch of cookies for you, my lil heart guardian. The heart… is the wellspring of life. I just wish I could take that as seriously as it is. The point that I’m trying to make with all of this, ladies, (and hopefully some gentlemen) is that our hearts are VALUABLE. Yeah, I said it! VALUABLE. They are precious! To be taken care of! To be looked after! To be guarded. Everything that we say or do is an overflow of what is inside of our hearts… and yikes again. That’s a scary thing when you know you’re a sinner, and when you’re aware of just how wicked your actions, words, and thoughts can actually be.

So, what then shall we fill our hearts with, Nina? How do we guard our hearts? How do we keep ourselves from wickedness? Easy peasy lemon squeezy. (Lol. Yeah right. Nothing worth attaining actually comes easily. Learn it. Love it. Live it.) Buuuut… Philippians 4, vs 8… “Finally, brothers, and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.” So… think about the noble characteristics of Mr. Darcy. Think about the right way to say “eh, I’ll pass” when someone asks you to get hiiiiigh wit dem. Think about the pureness of Jesus, and of Mary, and just how beautiful innocence truly is. T-Swift it. “innocent”. Check it. Sing it. Belt it. Think about how lovely my mom is. (wait what). Think about the people you admire. What qualities and traits do they possess that make them worth admiring? Think of those things. I can think of plenty of excellent and praiseworthy things, but you get the point I’m trying to make. One of my most favorite human beings, Bob Goff says that we will become what we gather and think the most of. So let’s think like Jesus! Let’s walk, talk, sit, stand, think, drink… like Jesus did. (idk why I threw ‘drink’ in there, and one time I made a joke about Jesus liking Cinnamon Toast Crunch and people got upset with me, but I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say, Jesus would probably thoroughly enjoy drinking a Cookout milkshake. Maybe not. But I do.)(And for all my northern frannns who don’t know what Cookout it? I used to be just like you. Lemme tell ya, you’re missing out on the most scrumptious thing in this life). And obviously, my homies…. let’s be careful who we give our hearts to. THEY BEST LOVE JESUS. THEY BEST BE BOUT THAT LIFE. Sorry for yelling. I just want whats best for you. And for your heart. Because guess what? THAT THING IS PRECIOUS! Just like YOU! It’s worth guarding! JUST LIKE YOU. I love you. And Jesus freakin’ ADORES you. So, walk like you know your worth. Like you know you’re loved. Cause BAM. You ARE.

Over n out 2 all muh whatadub luvas.

And then she gave relationship advice…

You were beautiful before he told you that you are. You were cared for before he brought you medicine when you got sick. You were pursued before he started texting you twice in a row. You were thought about before he wrote you those letters. You were considered before he left you a sonic drink on your porch. Or the flowers. Or the mixed cd. You had value before the expensive dinner he took you to. You were loved before he mumbled those three words in the car when he said goodnight.

Jesus. Jesus loves. He pursues. He cares. He thinks of us. He. loves. amazing, right?

Lately, it’s been put on my heart to write about girls finding their worth in the things of this world- but especially boys. I’m sure you think this blog doesn’t pertain to you because you would never find your worth in some guy who wears way too much axe body spray, right? Listen anyway. Because this does apply to you. And to me. So we are in this thing together. So. Let’s snuggle up with what the Word says about our identity. Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we would walk in them.” So…. basically…. first off. we are His. HIS. We belong to Christ. “so, Nina, if we are His… what does that mean? We can’t have crushes on boys and giggle like weirdos when they kiss our cheeks?” What??! No, obviously you can TOTES like boys and giggle as loud as you want to because cheek kisses ROCK buuuut… Colossians 3:1 says, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.”

What I’m saying, primarily, is that when we seek FIRST His Kingdom… We become kingdom-minded. Heaven-minded. We’re basically heaven-bound weirdos that stick out like sore thumbs. One of my favorite quotes says, “If your goal is to be pure of heart, be prepared to be thought very odd.” Purity of heart is NOT normal anymore. Nowadays, it’s crop tops, shots of tequila, and maybe church every once in awhile. But never purity of heart. Never actually pursuing Christ in the fullness of who He is. Never allowing Him to change our identity and our hearts- just trying not to cuss out loud as much. “Jesus never asked us to sit on the sidelines and cheer for his cause.” — Craig Groeschel. “Are you a fan or are you a follower?  The dictionary defines a fan as “an enthusiastic admirer.” Fans want to be close enough to Jesus to get all the benefits, but not so close that it requires sacrifice. Fans may be fine with repeating a prayer, attending church on the weekend, and slapping a Jesus fish on their bumpers. But is that really the extent of the relationship Jesus wants? Jesus was never interested in having admirers. It’s not fans he is looking for” (Idleman, Not a Fan).

Christ desires us, you guys!!!! He. Wants. Us. That’s why He pursues our hearts relentlessly… He loves us more than any person EVER could. Yeah. More than your boyfriend. More than your bff4lae. More than your friggin’ PARENTS. and guess what? He’s BETTER at it too. He is WAY better at loving us than anyone else. He knows our needs… our deepest needs, desires… He sees our hearts- and He loves each of us according to that. AMAZING, RIGHT?!!!! Makes me want to cry. Okay, I’m crying. Whatever. I don’t care. His love is the sweetest love I have ever known. One day, I will have this super hot funny husband who loves Jesus and wants to have The Office marathons with me and we will get to snuggle every night BUT…. Jesus will still be better than him. Yeah. I said it. So future hubs, if you’re reading this… sorry to burst your bubble, but you’re not as crazy awesome, Jesus is. I hope your bubble had been bursted before this though.

So. Let’s pray to find our value, our worth, our everything in Jesus. His promises are sure. He doesn’t fail. He doesn’t forget to call us back. He doesn’t mess up our Starbucks order. He doesn’t turn the music up when we’re trying to talk to Him. He loves us. He wants us. He pursues us. He chases after our hearts. He is perfect. Spotless. Pure. Beautiful. Loving. And He wants a friendship with YOU. He has given us EVERYTHING we need for life and godliness. Let’s USE it, yeah? Go open up that Bible, ya nugget. Let His Word fill up your soul in a way you never thought possible. Heaven is our home.

Idleman, Kyle. Not a Fan. N.p.: Zondervan, 2014. Print.

Abide in His love. Abide in His grace. Abide in His perfect peace.

work it, work it, fierce.

i am literally writing whatever comes to my head as it comes to my head. stay with me.

can i just say this? be strong. be independent. love your body. love your laugh. love your freckles. love your natural hair. stand up for yourself. don’t let yourself be used, abused, or mistreated. if you can’t see yourself marrying him, walk away. you’ll miss him, but you’ll find joy in the waiting. don’t be afraid to fall in love. don’t be afraid of these big feelings you’re feeling. embrace them. run towards them. fall in love. be hungry. eat the pizza. drink the soda. live in the moment. stop dwelling on the past. stop thinking about the boy who broke your heart. stop holding onto your first love. the one that got away, got away for a reason. bye felicia. cling to what you believe. chase after it. don’t stop until you achieve your goal. keep trying. keep trying. keep trying. don’t call her out via twitter. don’t talk about it if it won’t matter next week. don’t chase after people. don’t text him 14 times in a row. don’t call him when you’re emotional. don’t pretend to be someone you aren’t. be honest with yourself. be honest with others. when you break up with him, cry about it. when he breaks up with you, cry about it. don’t stay sad forever. dance in the car. dance at work. dance by yourself. dance at church. dance. like an idiot. because you can. pray. hard. a lot. all the time. be a good friend. have a good friend. buy yourself something nice. don’t work to impress people. life isn’t about the opinions of others. love who you are. delight in who you are. if you love someone, tell them. if you can’t see yourself loving them, tell them. be kind. have heart. don’t pretend to be happy when you’re not. let your heart heal. fall in love with places you’ve never been. fall in love with yourself. don’t be afraid to try it. don’t be afraid to hate it. ask questions. sing songs. if you believe you are a disney princess, then you are a disney princess. if a boy doesn’t like you, it isn’t the end of the world. if a boy does like you, don’t forget about your friends. be your own valentine. be someone else’s valentine. have secret admirers. be a secret admirer. write long, heartfelt letters. meet someone knew.

last but not least please please please never hate your body. please please please never hate yourself. please please please don’t base your self worth on the opinions of others. above all, love Jesus. pursue His holiness. and pursue peace.

i’m sorry for the rant, but i just wanted to let y’all know how incredibly worth it and treasured your life is. i am in the BUSINESSSSS of LOVING PEOPLE! INTENTIONALLY! loving people in halves is something i’m just not capable of.

that’s all for tonight lovebugs. over n out.

here is a picture of a happy piece of bread for your entertainment 🙂